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Dog People

Priceless 

Does your dog own you?

Quality Time

Holiday Etiquette for dogs at Christmas time

I think I can

How each breed would change a lightbulb

DOG PEOPLE

 ...are a special breed not usually recognized by the AKC

...think everyone has dog crates in their living room.

...have messy houses yet their kennels are spotless.

...can always find a show catalogue from somewhere within arm's reach.

...have kids who know more about the "birds and the bees" when they're five, than most people know when they are 40.

...drive trucks, vans, and station wagons especially equipped to haul dog crates.

...can never be reached on a weekend, they're usually at a dog show.

...will drive 400 miles, spend $100 on gas, $200 on a motel and $150 for meals to bring home a 35 cent ribbon.

...have kids who regard "bitch" as just another household word.

...have lush, green, beautiful back yards and they've never bought a bag of fertilizer.

...get up at 6 AM to walk the dogs, can be at ringside dressed to kill at 8 AM, but have trouble getting to work on time.

...will usually give up the $150,000 home in the suburbs to move to a shack on 10 acres so they can have a $150,000 kennel where neighbors are not a problem.

...never miss a closing date for entry fees, but pay the mortgage 10 days late.

...had rather be audited by the IRS than investigated by the AKC.

...use dog food bags for trash cans and 30 gal trash cans for dog food.

...talk for hours on the phone to another dog person in a language known only to dog people.

...have parents who think they've lost their minds.

...have dog friends who think they are terrific.

...are crazy

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 DOES YOUR DOG OWN YOU?      

See how many of these statements apply to you and your dog.

* You believe every dog is a lap dog. 
* If you are cold, you put a sweater on your dog. 
*You have a picture of your dog in your wallet, but not one of your kids. 
*You often claim that it was love at first sight with you and your dog.
*You have your dog talk to your friends on the phone. 
*You can't fully enjoy yourself without your dog. 
*No matter how large your bed is, it is not large enough for you and your dog(s). 
*You spend more on clothes and food for your dog than you do for yourself. 
*You have no reservations about kissing your dog on the lips, even when you know where his lips have been. 
*You believe it is your duty to talk to, pat, and even feed every dog in the neighborhood. You know their names. 
*You let the neighbor dog sleep over. 
*You believe there is no such thing as a naughty dog. 
*Your vet and grooming bills exceed your rent. 
*When you need someone to talk to, your dog is your first choice. 
*You sit on the floor if the dog got in the chair first. 
*You talk to your dog when you are driving. He answers. 
*Your dog taught you to fetch and roll over.

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HOLIDAY ETIQUETTE FOR DOGS        

1. Be especially patient with your humans during this time. They may appear to be more stressed-out than usual and they will appreciate long comforting dog leans. 2. They may come home with large bags of things they call gifts. Do not assume that all the gifts are yours.

3. Be tolerant if your humans put decorations on you. They seem to get some special kind of pleasure out of seeing how you look with fake antlers.

4. They may bring a large tree into the house and set it up in a prominent place and cover it with lights and decorations. Bizarre as this may seem to you, it is an important ritual for your humans, so there are some things you need to know: Don't pee on the tree - don't drink water in the container that holds the tree. Mind your tail when you are near the tree-if there are packages under the tree, even ones that smell interesting or that have your name on them, don't rip them open - don't chew on the cord that runs from the funny-looking hole in the wall to the tree.

5. Your humans may occasionally invite lots of strangers to come visit during this season. These parties can be lots of fun, but they also call for some discretion on your part: Not all strangers appreciate kisses and leans - don't eat off the buffet table - beg for goodies subtly - be pleasant, even if unknowing strangers sit on your sofa - don't drink out of glasses that are left within your reach.

6. Likewise, your humans may take you visiting. Here your manners will also be important: Observe all the rules in #4 for trees that may be in other people's houses. Respect the territory of other animals that may live in the house - tolerate children - turn on your charm big time.

7. A big man with a white beard and a very loud laugh may emerge from your fireplace in the middle of the night. DON'T BITE HIM!!

-Author Unknown

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HOW EACH BREED WOULD CHANGE A LIGHT BULB

Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young. We've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?

Border Collie: Just one. And I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

German Shepherd: I'll guard the light bulb while you decide. Back off!

Dachshund: I can't reach the stupid light!

Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

Rottweiler: Go ahead--make me!

Shi-tzu: Puh-leeze, dah-ling. Leave it for the servants.

Lab: Oh, me, ME! Pleeeeeeze let ME change the bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?

Malamute: Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.

Chow Chow: I'm with the Malamute. After I take my nap, that is!

Akita: I'm with the Chow and Malamute! What's for dinner?

Jack Russell Terrier or Wire-haired Fox Terrier: I can reach it! I just KNOW I can reach it! Another twenty jumps and it's mine, ALL mine!

Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.

Hound Dog: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.

Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

Kelpie: Put all the light bulbs in a little circle.

Pointer: I see it, there it is, rrrrriiiiiiight there.

-Author Unknown

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